What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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