i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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