i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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