He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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