After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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