some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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