Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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