the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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