life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize