a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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