If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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