I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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