Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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