Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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