I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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