I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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