I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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