i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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