You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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