It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
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EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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