What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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