you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
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my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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