my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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