get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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