Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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