I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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