i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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