So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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