ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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