I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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