And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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