every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize