he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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