I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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