Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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