and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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