I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize