I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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