Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I could fuck to npr.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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