I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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