end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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