we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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