Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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