my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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