Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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