Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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