it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize