Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize