Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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