I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize